i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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