I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize