im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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