I only kidnapped one of them. chill
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize