Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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