Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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