i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize