I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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