You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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