take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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