Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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