grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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