omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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