it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize