I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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