After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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