We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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