Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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