I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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