I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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