phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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