i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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