Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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