so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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