For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize