I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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