Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize