i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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