i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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