He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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