i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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