And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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