i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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