in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize