sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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