I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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