Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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