perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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