I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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