i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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