Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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