There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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