If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize