More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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