someone threw a dead crab at me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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