my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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