omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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