i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize