I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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