I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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